Wednesday, April 01, 2009

New Items in the Store

A rush shipment of a series of fantastic new products has just arrived at the International Distribution Center.  All of these items are available for immediate shipment.

Bag of Rocks: Authentic specimens from a hill in Israel.  You can plant these in your garden, and before you know it, your garden will be full of them.

Basket of Authentic Potsherds: Unwashed, unsorted. May include EB through Ottoman period artifacts. Your basket might contain an ostracon!

Biblical Archaeologist Swimsuit Calendar: Featuring 12 of the world’s most renowned excavators on exotic tells that they dig.

Packet of Mud: Wet soil possibly washed off by the blind man at the Pool of Siloam.

Ossuary: Inscriptions of famous biblical people added for an extra charge.

Private Lecture: A dramatic presentation for you and your friends by Charles Gadda on the true origin of the Dead Sea Scrolls and expert techniques on how to convince the world that you’re right.

“I Deny” T-Shirts: You fill-in-the-blank.  Popular options include: the existence of the Jews in the Holy Land before 1948, David and Solomon, maximalism, minimalism, antiquities sales, the James Ossuary, Bible thumpers, Q, Ai, the “BAR crowd”, biblioblogs.

Archaeologist Trading Cards: Watch the value of these go up when one of their discoveries is sensationalized.kenyon_trading_card

Tour Pass: Good for a one-day tour of the archaeological sites of the Gaza Strip, personally hosted by Khaled Mashaal and his friends.

The Truth About Archaeology DVD: Dozens of volunteers explain the realities of excavation, including stories of grime, sunstroke, hospitalization, and slavery-like conditions that they paid for.

Fibers from the rope around the high priest’s ankle

Ashes from the destroyed city of Sodom.  Well-preserved.  From the Sodom of your choice.

Television Special, 60 Minutes (DVD): Breaking report that reveals how a Jewish temple never existed in Jerusalem.  Features extensive research and interviews with two three smart locals.

Postcards of Jerusalem: Only one dollah.  The top one looks nice.

Payment may be made in darics, denarii, drachmas, or dileptons.  All orders must be received not
later than 11:59 p.m., April 1st.



  • But you included no prices!

    By Anonymous JIm, at Wed Apr 01, 07:55:00 AM  

  • love it!

    By Blogger DellaRose, at Wed Apr 01, 11:12:00 AM  

  • It's 11:40 pm here in Israel, the banks are closed and I'm out of darics, denarii, drachmas, and dileptons. All of those wonderful bargains and I can't even get one of them. How sad!! Can we hope for another such sale next year? If so, I'll start saving my darics, denarii, drachmas, and dileptons!

    By Anonymous Joseph I. Lauer, at Wed Apr 01, 01:45:00 PM  

  • Darn. I was hoping you had pieces of the true cross. Guess I'll take my business elsewhere.

    By Blogger Seth M. Rodriquez, at Wed Apr 01, 09:21:00 PM  

  • Pieces of the true cross? No, you have to go to Constantine's mother's blog for that.

    By Blogger John Anderson, at Thu Apr 02, 06:51:00 AM  

  • Your post contains an error no serious scholar would make. You misspelled dileptons. It should be depilations, as any National Geographic writer can tell you.

    You further denigrated the National Geographic specials. We talked with three *very carefully selected* local smart men. Please. Lift your scholarship to our levels, before writing another such calumny.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Apr 02, 07:40:00 AM  

  • Hey, don't laugh too hard at the "Archaeologist Trading Cards". Before baseball cards were packaged with bubble gum, there were tobacco cards & cigarette cards. There are a couple of such series, occasionally available via eBay, featuring none other than Charles Warren (albeit for his role as a general, not archeology).

    By Blogger G.M. Grena, at Sun Apr 05, 08:40:00 PM  

  • This prank beats the one you pulled on IBEX Spring '07...telling us that MacArthur had pulled the plug on all further internet communications because of some inapropriate usage. Yikes! I still get irritated. :)

    By Blogger Serena, at Wed Apr 08, 02:21:00 PM  

  • That should be Spring '97. Just a decade matter. You're only as old as you feel, right?

    By Blogger Serena, at Wed Apr 08, 02:22:00 PM  

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